i just told stories about train travel, car accidents, my mother like she's so far away, sudden rustling, night-blooming jasmine, florida summer air thick and full and insecure and uncertain all night. i drag my tongue across my dry warm lips and wonder if you'll ever call me. i try to talk myself out of caring about it, but i just keep walking back into that morning when i tried to focus on the obvious but all i could hear was the ticking of my watch, too loud on its yellow vinyl band, cartoonish and child-like. in free fall i scrape the loamy walls of the rabbit hole. roots and sticks and leaves snag in my hair and catch on my skin, leave welts and scratches and tearing my clothing. the bottom comes up to meet me with a hard smack, a kind of bouncing landing that bruises my shoulders and my back, and you say you want to see me, are you ok? where does it hurt? who is the president? i can't answer. i gape and gasp and my mouth moves to form words but there are too many teeth in the way, my tongue is too swollen and there is too much mucus and blood, moving around. filling my mouth when i try to talk to you. i spit and spit but it keeps filling until i quit, i just give up and drift off. your princess is in another castle, so i go there, and the gates are open, wide open, waiting for me. a lavish feast of flowers waits for me, woven together and beautiful. we sit down to it together and discover new states of mind. new places to sleep. new trails to blaze. the horses are already in the stable, tacked and ready for us. i look out, and breathe deep, wet air filling my lungs but i don't feel like i'm drowning. i just feel warm and dry and brown, and i stand under the waterfall and wonder will you ever call me?

Hello!

I am alive! I moved into my new apartment (Kitty Mansion) on Tuesday, and the prepping/moving/moving in has kept me from updating, but that's not all; my laptop charger has bit the dust! I had to order a new one. It should be round soon. Expect pictures of Kitty Mansion in the near future! Yayyyyy!

In other words: I'm not dead, don't take me off your flist, I'm just BUSY BUSY BUSY.

Trying to find the end of this string of bad days.

I just worked for like eight million years* and now I am eating curry and also I am super dead on the inside thanks Toys R Us.


Tomorrow morning before I go work for another millennium**, I am going to look at Kitty Mansion Candidate #1 (http://orlando.craigslist.org/apa/1549305363.html). I have high hopes for this place! It is obviously not a final decision, just going to visit. Maybe this is where the magic happens. Maybe clown care.

I know I haven't said anything about Haiti yet. I am donating locally and in small increments and also donating acutal things as well as the small bit of money I can give up, because I am so poor and really need to be focusing on being able to afford a deposit, first month's rent, and groceries for about a month. I was going to open commissions but in light of the whole Haiti thing and not being able to contribute as much as I'd like to, I am just going to try to continue to scrape by with what I'm making now.

Anyways I love you guys. I LOVE YOU OK

YOU BETTER LOVE ME BACK

*eleven hours

**eight hours

OK YOU GUYS I AM SUPER TORN RIGHT NOW

MegaCon, which Lauren (taconaco) is going to be flying in for AND I AM ALSO SUPER EXCITED ABOUT BECAUSE COME ON, LAUREN AND NICHELLE NICHOLS AND A BUNCH OF AWESOME COMICS PEOPLE, is March 12-14th.

These are also the dates of Harvest of Hope.

This was not initially a big deal. I honestly didn't care about Harvest of Hope that much. I mean, what was I going to be missing? Getting dirty camping and and injured during the Man Man show? So what! Lauren! Nichelle Nichols! A whole weekend of unadulterated geekiness, altered mental states and fun.

So what changed?

THE LINE UP FOR HARVEST OF HOPE HAS BEEN OFFICIALLY ANNOUNCED.

THE MOUNTAIN GOATS ARE PLAYING.

THE GOD DAMNED MOUNTAIN GOATS ARE PLAYING.

He canceled in November, because he was sick. I don't know what that actually means but I am going with HE WAS SICK, OK. Anyways, instead of going to see Final Fantasy (which was the opening band for the evening), we went and cried and drowned our sorrows in Cracker Barrel biscuits and pork chops and pie. And now he is coming back. And I don't think I can bear to miss it.

But I also don't want to let Lauren and all the other MegaCon beautiful people down.

BUT JOHN DARNIELLE.

JOHN DARNIELLE.

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO MAKE THIS DECISION.

ETA: I want it to be clear that I am like. Spice Girls-level obsessed with The Mountain Goats, but for a lot of reasons. It sounds cheesy as fuck but John Darnielle's music has helped me SO MUCH during the past few months. He has become my go-to whenever I am feeling anything, really. I respect him SO MUCH as a musician, and I also respect his music in an entirely separate way. Seeing him, for me, would be right up there with being able to go back and see George Harrison. EXCEPT THIS IS ACTUALLY POSSIBLE. AND IT IS HAPPENING. And asghk;agljaljfas. Thank you, that is all. GOOD DAY.

Well HELLO everyone!

Florida is still cold as fuck for some reason I can't comprehend. I am, inexplicably, still alive in the aftermath of The Germans (my dad's ladyfriend and her daughter, Rebecca). Even after Disney, and "Christmas", and SeaWorld (The Dangerzone... which Jen now has an annual pass for! FUCK YES, I LOVE MANTA RAYS AND WHALES AND SHARKS and clydesdale horses AND PENGUINS GDI IT I JUST LOVE THEM SO MUCH), and all the SHOPPING, I am alive. And SOMEHOW not in horrible financial ruin. Only mild financial ruin. Not enough financial ruin to put KITTY MANSION on hold. For those of you that don't know, Kitty Mansion is going to be my home in the very near future. Co-conspirator Jessica and I have finally found the place, and the rent just went down. We, of course, still have to make sure that it is just the place for us, so we will be visiting soon. I will be sure to bring a camera.

This entry has my adventure! tag on it. It is tagged as such because I am finally coming to terms with the adventure I have been on these past 6 months. It has not been fun. It has not been pretty. But it has happened! And what an adventure it was. It took me a lot of places I never wanted to go - being "homeless", moving in with my dad, losing my darling Oliver the cat. Unwashed hair and unemployment and unhappiness. But it has given way to a new bond, a new job, a new outlook. I am not doing so bad. Just because things don't go according to plan doesn't mean shit, it just means I am a poor planner and forgot that plan B doesn't just exist to make plan A look better. I have to accept that plan A was never all that realistic to begin with, and it is part of the past. Just like the House on Oak Avenue is part of the past. So on. So forth. Et cetera. So it goes.

Today at work I had to climb pretty much the highest ladder ever created in the history of Time. I took one look at that thing as one of my supervisors rolled it into the Electronics department and nearly peed my pants. But I climbed it! And put emblast cases up in the dusty as fuck valances THAT MAKE ME THINK I MAY BE DYING FROM DUST POISONING, SHUT UP IT EXISTS BECAUSE I SAY IT DOES because there is literally NOTHING ELSE TO DO AT TOYS R US NOW THAT THAT THE HOLIDAYS ARE OFFICIALLY OVER. There is seriously NOTHING. TO. DO. Nothing to do but think of Kitty Mansion and various members of society topless and clean all the dust off the computer keyboards.

YEP.

OKAY FLORIDA LOOK.

YOU KNOW STINGY ASS BITCHES BE LIVIN' IN THIS HOUSE AND YET. AND YET. YOU REFUSE TO WARM UP.


THIS IS BLATANT DISRESPECT.

Also I don't want to work tomorrow.

ALSO KITTY MANSION. LSAKJGLDKSFJASLKFDJ KITTY MANSION. I am too scattered to do a real update right now, but LAWD KNOWS I WILL TOMORROW.


Oh and HI NEW FRIENDS FROM THE SHERLOCK FRIENDING MEME I LOVE YOU

So I am totally obsessed with Tegaki lately. Tegaki and The Magnetic Fields (also The Mountain Goats but that is pretty much a constant). So here, have some stuff I did on Tegaki because I have no real life.

None of this is really my best work but I have been trying a lot of different things lately. Some of them work and some of them do not, but I figured I'd share them all.

( LET ME TAKE YOU DOWN, LET ME EASE YOU AROUND MONTGOMERY )

YEP. I do real art sometimes too. I'll get that scanned in eventually.

I could certainly use this right now. I've been feeling pretty lonely and it's always good to say nice things about others. I've filled out quite a few of these so far. Maybe you'll do the same. :)

the p o s i t i v i t y meme


Whether or not you choose to do it, I'd like to thank all my internet friends and RL friends for being awesome and encouraging, especially since the last two months have just been hell. Real post with some art either later or tomorrow!

YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED THAT I HAVE A NEW DEFAULT ICON.

"WHY NIKITA," YOU MAY SAY, "IS THAT BONES IN A SANTA HAT?"

THE ANSWER, IN SHORT, IS YES.

GOOD DAY!